


Alice Hosts an Unexpected Dinner Party

by LorenzoS



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Character Interaction, Gen, Humor, Mild canon divergence, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29451966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LorenzoS/pseuds/LorenzoS
Summary: Or how and why Alice got caught up in the events of Imperishable Night.
Kudos: 7





	Alice Hosts an Unexpected Dinner Party

It was the morning of the Harvest Moon Festival, and Alice had no other plans but to stay holed up in her study perfecting her craft. Her cozy cottage was nestled deep in woods infested with toxic spores and man-eating plants—a perfect place for a magician who wanted to go uninterrupted as they honed their skills.

Alice was very much one of those magicians, and she was thankful for the natural barriers against human (or, rather, any sentient) interaction. However, there were many exceptional individuals in Gensokyo who wouldn't be dissuaded by such barriers, and unfortunately, there was one that not only knew where she lived, but also had personal history with her. She found that individual hovering outside her window on a broomstick, gesticulating in an attempt to communicate through the glass.

The puppeteer paused her careful chiseling of an eye socket to stare pointedly. The miming person in question was none other than the Black-White Marauder, Marisa Kirisame herself. Alice let her flail around a little more before getting out of her chair and opening the window.

"Jeez, took ya long enough," Marisa said, grinning cheekily.

"The glass isn't thick. You could've raised your voice," Alice responded flatly.

"Yeah, but you probably woulda freaked out and lasered me half-way to Human Village." Marisa shifted so that both of her legs were dangling off one side of her broomstick. "I'm fragile, you know? Can't go around takin' those kinda risks."

Alice couldn't tell if Marisa was selling herself short or too high. "I see," she said hesitantly. "And you are here because?"

"Oh, c'mon. Do I need a reason when it's you I'm seein'?"

"Yes. Yes, you do." It came out a little sharper than she intended, and for that, she almost apologized. Almost.

The witch didn't seem to mind, though. "Heh. Fair, I guess. I was just wonderin' if you'd like to join me for the Harvest Moon Festival tonight. Nothin' big—just me, you, and maybe a friend or two sittin' on the porch and sippin' at drinks. Really make a night out of it. Waddaya say?"

For a while, Alice only stood there and blinked. In truth, the earnestness of the request had disarmed her. She glanced down at the half-finished doll at her desk and mused. While it hurt to lose out on potential progress, she had all the time to catch up. Marisa, meanwhile, was fleeting. She was also a total ass at times, but a fleeting ass all the same. Alice dreaded the day when they'll part, and she would hate it if they did so with unresolved feelings.

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt," Alice said at last.

Was it just her imagination, or was Marisa holding her breath? Her shoulders definitely did relax slightly. "Sweet! Here, I'll leave now and come back in the evenin'. Oh, did I mention we're havin' it here? 'Cause we're havin' it here. Okay, see ya!"

"Wait, what? Hey!" Alice reached out, but not in time. Marisa had sped off over the trees, waving a goodbye. Alice cursed her name and slammed the window shut before collapsing into her chair. Leave it to that witch to include a last-minute surprise. Having the festival at Alice's abode, of course, left all the host's responsibilities on her own shoulders. Not an overly heavy burden, but it spoke miles about how petty Marisa can get about things.

Or at least, that's what the puppeteer thought. As she gathered her dolls and set them to prepare food and drink via mental strings, Marisa had stealthily dipped below the canopy and made a U-turn. The witch crept on foot to Alice's front door, and on it she burned with a lit fingertip a peculiar insignia. Then, Marisa turned and left for good.

…

It was twilight by the time Alice heard knocking. After she had finished tidying about and setting bread to bake, she found that she couldn't focus on her work, so she took to reading on the living room's couch to pass time. Now, Alice set the book down and went to answer the door.

"Hello, Marisa," she was about to say until she realized that the two standing on her porch weren't Marisa at all.

A fair, pink-haired woman—all round and soft with gentle curves—waltzed on in as if the house was her own. She slipped out of her shoes and hung her cap on a nearby coat rack before turning to Alice and saying, "Yuyuko Saigyouji, Princess of the Netherworld. Wonderful to meet you, Miss Murgatroyd!"

Alice was too surprised to bother correcting her. They shook hands, and Alice realized then that Yuyuko was a ghost. "Likewise," Alice said, managing not to stutter.

The other person—a resolute young girl with an intense look about her—stepped in a little more mindfully and bowed. "Youmu Konpaku, Servant and Sword Instructor of the Princess, at your service."

"I don't think it'll be necessary, but thank you," Alice said.

Youmu nodded and removed her shoes and swords ( _Why did she bring those?_ Alice thought) and placed them against the wall. She moved to join her master, who had already seated herself at the dining table. Alice closed the door, only to do a half-spasm as a translucent white phantom swam right through the wood and over to Youmu, who it orbited.

Alice took a steadying breath and smoothed her hair. She had a lot of questions, but being a good host came first. She summoned her dolls from upstairs and had them set the table. They were just about to fetch tea and cakes when came another bout of knocking.

"I'll get it," the puppeteer said, even though she hadn't moved far from the mudroom. She opened the door, certain that Marisa would be there.

But she wasn't. Instead, it was another duo, but at least this time Alice recognized them.

"Remilia Scarlet, Mistress of the Scarlet Devil Mansion." The devil did a curtsy. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you in person, O Seven-Colored Puppeteer."

"That it is, that it is," Alice said, a little hastily. She was already getting tired of the stuffy greetings. "I see the maid is here as well."

"Indeed," Sakuya Izayoi said with a slight incline of her head. "Patchouli sends her regards, though not very politely I'm afraid."

"Wouldn't expect any less of her," Alice said dryly. She beckoned them inside. "Come now! I have tea and confectioneries on the table."

Alice found that brusqueness came easier with people she was familiar with. Once Remilia and Sakuya had removed their shoes and hung their headwear, they sat at the dining table, sparking another exchange of greetings between them and the other guests. Alice didn't join them, as she suspected more was on the way. She worked alongside her dolls in serving more tea and cakes—cakes especially, as Yuyuko had already went through three.

After around half an hour, her suspicion proved correct. Alice yanked the door open, and if Marisa wasn't there, she swore she would yell. Luckily for her, Marisa _was_ there, but in a line behind the Red-White Keeper of Paradise and someone else Alice didn't quite recognize in front. They were a tall and spindly woman, with violet, half-lidded eyes that came off as sleepy yet watchful. She wore a fine pale pink dress and a purple tabard adorned with a number of trigrams.

"Yukari Yakumo of the Gensokyo Sage Council," said the spindly woman with a reserved bow. She gestured to the other two. "And my exterminators, Reimu Hakurei and Marisa Kirisame."

"I am familiar," Alice said warily. "Perhaps a little too much for my own liking."

This got a chuckle out of Yukari. "Then please, pardon the redundancy." With that, she went inside.

Reimu was next. She strolled in, kicked off her shoes and asked, "Hey, is there a place where I can leave this?" The shrine maiden held up her _gohei_.

"Er, yes. You may lay it next to the other weapons."

Reimu did so, leaning the rod against the wall alongside Youmu's swords. She said a quick thanks and headed to the table.

Now came Marisa. She added her shoes and hat to the growing collection. Alice glared her down the entire time, and they eventually met eyes. Gold stared into blue for a couple of seconds.

Marisa rubbed the back of her neck in an attempt to look sheepish, but it failed miserably with the grin she sported. "Okay, I'll admit that I _may_ have understated the amount of people I was bringin'."

"A friend or two," Alice recalled, voice thin and stretched.

"A friend or two," Marisa agreed. "Look, I know you're mad an' all, but can ya hold off on stranglin' me till after the party's over? I want to have a bit of fun before I die."

The sharp response rising in her throat suddenly flickered out, and Alice felt tired. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Very well, but I recommend keeping out of arm's reach for the rest of tonight. I find my patience wearing thinner and thinner."

"Will do and thank you!"

The Harvest Moon Festival marched on. Now that everyone was here (a bold assumption on Alice's part, but she turned out right in the end) she can start serving in earnest. The puppeteer and her dolls buzzed about, bringing plates and trays laden with food to the table. There were freshly baked loaves of bread, sliced mushrooms stir fried in butter and garlic, half a wheel of ripe cheese, jars of honey and jam, a slab of butter, an assortment of nuts and wrinkled wild berries, and many a cup of _sake_. The meal was fairly plain and hardly Japanese, but soon enough, even Yuyuko was rubbing her stomach and sighing contently.

Once the eating had finished, the guests moved to the living room. There they sat, gathered around the hearth with a comfortable fire burning, chatting and idly sipping their drinks. Reimu and Marisa had taken to the loveseat. The pair had found a blanket and wrapped it around themselves, giving them the appearance of two caterpillars sharing the same cocoon. Remilia, Sakuya, Yuyuko, and Youmu all sat in the long sofa. Interestingly enough, they appeared to have swapped servants, with Yuyuko seated next to Sakuya and Youmu with Remilia. The devil had one of Alice's dolls in her lap, and she was waving its limbs around and speaking in a high-pitched voice, much to Youmu's delight.

Yukari, meanwhile, sat alone in an armchair. She occasionally glanced at a device around her wrist and then to Alice in the kitchen as she cleaned up. This soon got on Alice's nerves, and she left the rest of the dishes to her dolls and at last joined the others, having to drag a chair over from the dining table as all the other seats were full. She ended up between the long sofa and armchair—that is to say, between the Scarlet Devil and Youkai Sage. Not a comfortable spot, but preferable to being next to Marisa as of now.

"Ah, our gracious host," Yukari said with a coy smile. "It is good to have you finally with us."

Alice nodded, though she did not return the expression. "I take it that you were waiting for me?"

"Why, of course. It would be most rude to have begun the Moon-viewing without you. Speaking of…" Yukari rose and stepped in front of the fireplace, casting a long shadow across the living room. The voices quieted, and all eyes were on her. She cleared her throat.

"Humans, youkai, and those in between, allow me to express my thanks. You have answered my summons and agreed to assist me, despite my vagueness. I hope you can find it within yourselves to forgive me—"

Reimu snorted loudly. Yukari continued as if she didn't hear. "—so that we may enjoy the festival in its full." She paused to look over them. Alice shifted in place. "I shall delay no longer. Behold! The Incident I spoke of!" Yukari pointed up, and there, near the ceiling, a gap manifested. Within its darkness Alice fancied she saw eyes, but they was quickly replaced by a view of the full moon against the black sky.

At once, she became entranced. The moon was a thing of beauty to youkai, and their strength rose and fell with it. Her wits sharpened, and her body was flooded with vigor. For a moment, Alice felt she could ensnare the entire world in her strings and make it dance; dance for her amusement!

Then it happened. The change was imperceptible to all but the keenest of eyes. In a faint shimmer that only lasted an instant, the sky was replaced by something different. It looked identical to the sky, complete with stars and a moon, but it did not feel like the sky. The sense of power that Alice had felt before puffed out like a candle exposed to a breeze, and in its place was dizzying debilitation. She clutched her head, trying to steady herself.

Alice wasn't the only one hit. Yuyuko let out a small gasp and began patting her own body down, as if trying to verify she still existed. Remilia balled a fist and squeezed experimentally, lips curling into a frown. Youmu's phantom half shrank considerably. Yukari alone seemed unaffected, as well as the humans.

"I'm not sure I understand," Sakuya said, blinking. "Did something happen?"

"Quite so," Yukari said, closing the gap with a wave of her hand. "But before I explain, would anyone else like to try in my place? How about you, Reimu?"

"Eh?" Reimu suddenly sat up straight, accidentally elbowing Marisa from under the covers and eliciting a grunt. "Uhm, sure. Indigestion, maybe?"

"Oh, dear. Is indigestion bad? Do I need to see a doctor?" Yuyuko asked worriedly.

"My lady, I've seen you handle many a grand feast. I'm sure it isn't indigestion," Youmu informed.

Yuyuko leaned back in relief. "Thank goodness!"

Remilia harrumphed. "Before I let this bunkum—"

"Bum what now?" Marisa asked with no small measure of interest.

"Please do not interrupt the mistress when she is speaking," Sakuya said coolly.

"Thank you, Sakuya. As I was saying, before I let this... _balderdash_ continue any longer, here is my explanation." Remilia passed the doll she had been toying with earlier to Youmu before standing. "While some of us are poor of sight and night-blind, I do not suffer from such deficiencies, and I saw clearly what had transpired. The sky had changed, and the moon we saw was not the moon, but a cleverly disguised fake."

Yukari did a slow clap. "Excellent deduction, vampire. Yes, it is as she says. Our sacred connection to the Moon has been severed by this curtain made in its likeliness. Not only does this weaken us youkai and prevents tomorrow from ever being, it also completely spoils tonight's festival. So, we have to undo it."

"With most Incidents, we do not know the location of the culprits. But not this Incident." A strange gleam took hold in Yukari's eyes. "Our enemy lies in the heart of the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, within Eintei, the House of Eternity. They have sealed the entire forest behind a barrier, but it is nothing my power cannot handle. I shall warp us in along the four cardinal directions in separate teams of two. These teams each consist of a youkai and a human (or half-human) in order to compensate for the youkai's weakness this night. I have paired you all as thus: Remilia and Sakuya as Team Scarlet, Yuyuko and Youmu as Team Netherworld, Me and Reimu as Team Boundary, and lastly, Alice and Marisa as Team Magician."

At that moment, an entire evening's worth of frustration burst out of Alice. "All right, that's it! I've had enough!" she cried, suddenly standing. "Everyone, it has been a fun evening, but you will have to handle this Incident business yourselves, because I am not coming."

There was a small chorus of confused exclamations. Yukari regarded Alice with queer eyes. "That's an odd thing to say, considering you agreed to host this meeting in the first place."

"I agreed to nothing," Alice snapped, temporarily forgetting who she was speaking to. "To nothing, except, for what that little devil told me."

"I beg your pardon?" said a bewildered Remilia.

"Not you! Her! _"_ Alice pointed a finger. All eyes followed and found Marisa.

The witch glanced around. She shrugged her shoulders.

And like that, Yukari understood. Her brow furrowed. "Really, Marisa? Why would you even withhold… Bah, never mind. I am sure it is an absurd reason." Then, with a kinder face, she turned to Alice. "You have my sincerest apologies. I'll be sure to roast the Black-White over a fire and serve her to my shikigami for her transgressions—after you strangle her, of course."

Alice blinked, not sure how the Youkai Sage overheard that conversation. "Thank you, but you needn't go that far. The strangulation will suffice."

"If that is what you wish. And, ah, about the Incident…"

"I still decline."

Yukari's eyelid twitched, and suddenly, Alice worried that she may have been pushing her luck with how blunt she's been tonight. Yukari spoke again, her words slow and deliberate.

"While I understand your reluctance, I ask that you reconsider your decision. To say that you are needed for this operation is quite the understatement. All of my plans were built on the foundation that everyone in this room were to be accounted for, including you. If you do not come, I'll have to rework my entire attack strategy, and the night simply doesn't have time for it. So I'll ask again: will you reconsider?"

The request bordered on heartfelt, and Alice almost yielded. She would be lying if she said that resolving an Incident didn't have its own appeal, mostly that of high-speed aerial battles and the opportunity to flex her prowess as a magician. But with each appeal, she had triple the amount of fears, and Alice never did consider herself outgoing or brave. She ended up refusing Yukari.

In that moment, Alice made a mistake. It was one that, in hindsight, she did not blame herself for making, for how could she have anticipated it? She had underestimated the Youkai Sage's connections, and failed to be wary of two individuals on the long sofa: Remilia Scarlet, Co-Founder of the Spellcard Rules, and Yuyuko Saigyouji, one of the rare persons who could call themselves Yukari's friend. It was her who first capitalized on Alice's mistake.

"My my," Yuyuko said, raising her voice as to draw everyone's attention. "To refuse after such an earnest plea for help... It would appear that our venerable hostess thinks herself too good for the likes of us."

The accusation stunned Alice like a sudden blow to the jaw. "What?" she sputtered.

"It doesn't surprise me," Remilia chimed in. "Magicians who shut themselves away from the world tend to grow a bit of hubris, as well as a sense that their work matters more than anything else. I would know—one lives in my manor."

"That isn't—"

"Although, Alice's hubris seems to be exceptional even among magicians, for she has looked down on me ever since I knocked on her door." The devil solemnly shook her head.

 _"_ You can't be serious!" Alice wanted to say, but the words died at her lips when she discovered Youmu looking at her with disappointment on her face. Disappointment!

But it wasn't over yet. Next was Sakuya. "I am loath to make judgments, but I would like to point out that when I offered to help Miss Margatroid in the kitchen, she turned me down."

"She did the same to my poor Youmu, if you can believe it." Yuyuko sniffed loudly and wrapped her arms around the half-phantom—or would've, if the person sitting next to her wasn't Sakuya. The maid bore with it well enough, though. "Undoubtedly she felt that they'll only get in the way."

Marisa let slip a hiss of laughter, which quickly turned into a coughing fit once she caught Alice's glower, and she pulled the blanket over her head. Alice then looked to Reimu for help, but the shrine maiden too ducked under the covers, as if she wanted no part of this whole affair.

Seeing that her prey had been abandoned, Yukari moved to finish it off. She put a finger to her lips and made a show of being deep in thought. "Ah, now I see. How could I have possibly expected Alice to join us without offering compensation worthy of her precious time?" She clapped her hands once. "If that is the case, then so be it! To you, our good host, I offer one of my shikigami, Ran Yakumo, to do with as you please for a year."

At this point, Alice resigned herself to her fate. She heaved a sigh and collapsed into her chair, waiting for the others.

"While it isn't something I can offer per say, I'm sure I can convince Patchouli to be more lenient with her one book a week policy," Remilia said.

"As for me, my Youmu is a superb gardener," Yuyuko said. "I am content with sending her to your residence every now and then to tend to your flowers."

"And if that doesn't cut it," came Marisa's muffled voice, "I can give ya a second date."

The vein in Alice's temple throbbed. "All right, I get it! No more, please. I've been humiliated enough tonight." She massaged her forehead, feeling more haggard than ever. To think that this was only the beginning. She sighed. "Yes, I will go. But whether or not I accept those offers will depend on how slighted I feel by the end of all this."

"Oh, nice!" Marisa's head popped out. "Does that mean I have a ch—"

"Shut up," Alice snapped, and Marisa did.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I jumped the gun when I moved from a story with two characters and two lines of spoken dialogue to a story with eight characters and a lot more lines of dialogue. Still, it was fun. I've always wanted to try my hands at the Alice/Marisa dynamic (Malice is still the coolest character pairing name I've ever heard), although this story doesn't really touch on it all too much.
> 
> My adventures with the games continue! I've given up on doing the extra stages for now as I am weak and baby, and I've moved on to Touhou 7-9. I've managed to 1cc them on normal, and I am now on Mountain of Faith. I think this one will occupy me for longer, as ZUN saw it fit to tie bombs into power instead of being a separate resource for some ungodly reason.


End file.
